How finding the right mentor changes everything
Mentorship and mentoring programs are a hot topic at the moment. Studies have shown that women tend to engage less in mentoring relationships but would actually benefit a lot from these engagements, particularly in male-dominated environments.
Mentoring programs for women seem to be popping up everywhere right now. Industry leaders preach about the positive impacts of coaches and mentors throughout their careers. I have heard from many women in my network that they are actively seeking to find a mentor as it seems to be an important step for their careers.
Beyond the hype of mentorship, there is a real gain. But it’s important to be clear about why you are looking for a mentor. My story of finding a mentor will read quite differently though. Let’s jump in!
Mentorship felt counter-intuitive to me
For a long time, I thought I didn’t need a mentor. I had a strong sense that my intuition was pretty accurate and that I knew what was best for me. The source of this belief can be found in my upbringing and career path (read more here) as I often had to go against the recommendation and advice of those around me to achieve my dreams.
When I started hearing about mentoring at the beginning of my career, I perceived it as counter-intuitive and felt reluctant to look into it. I had mentors in my life — I just did not label them like that. And I did not see any benefits in finding a dedicated mentor with whom I would meet on a regular basis to discuss my career path. So I never actively looked for a mentor.
Losing focus & looking for random inputs
A few years into my career, I felt incredibly unsettled. I had lost focus on what I valued and wanted in life and I felt that I wasn’t going anywhere. I realized that there were a lot of work-related topics, e.g. team dynamics, personal development, leadership, etc., where I needed more guidance and support. I started to randomly reach out to various people that I respected in order to get their inputs — and to simply talk about it as this is my way of coping with it.
I reached out to people at work with specific questions, but I also found myself talking about these topics with friends. My hunger for input grew so much, I was sometimes unable to talk about anything else. It was always on my mind and I was lacking a strategy to solve these issues. Talking to random people and getting lots of different and sometimes contradictory inputs wasn’t helping either. I felt stuck.
The first spark
It was on a sailing trip in Greece when I had a conversation that would change the course of this story. Valentina and I had been friends for a while. I first met her at a company social event and I was instantly impressed by her energy. Her boyfriend was a work colleague of mine and also a good friend.
On that evening, Valentina and I had a conversation about women in tech and female leadership. It started out as a casual conversation but we quickly went deeper on the topic. I kept asking questions to tap more into her experience, and I was impressed not only by what she said but also by how she said it. Everything resonated with me and I felt incredibly energized after this conversation.
Getting to know each other
After the sailing trip, I asked Valentina if I could interview her for a blog post series called Women Who Inspire Us where we portray female role models in the tech industry in Switzerland. Through the interview, I learned even more interesting details about her career path.
Valentina worked in various companies — from start-ups to large global corporations — and she looks back at an impressive career in tech. In February 2021 she founded her own business consulting company. Valentina had been leading teams and acted as a mentor and coach for various people throughout her career. I also remembered that she pointed out during the interview how important coaches and mentors were for her success.
Give it a try when it feels right
The notion of mentorship during the interview had certainly planted a seed and I started to question and rethink my “I don’t need a mentor” belief. I am also sure Valentina must have felt that I was eager for guidance on some of the topics we discussed. It was a few weeks after the interview when she suggested that we’d meet regularly for (virtual) coffee as a trial for a mentoring relationship.
At first, I had some doubts. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea as we were friends already and I did not want to jeopardize our friendship. But I was also very curious to try it and it felt like the right decision. So we tried it.
Hitting it off and committing to it
I still remember the first mentoring session very vividly. I immediately felt how our conversation was helping me to get unstuck and to unlock my potential. Valentina asked the right questions, but not necessarily the ones I wanted to hear. And she has this great sense of where to put the focus, again not necessarily where I wanted to have it but where I needed it. It was intense, extremely energizing, and I couldn’t wait for the next session afterward.
I was hooked. After the first two sessions, we agreed to continue on the mentorship path together. We decided on an iteration (every 3 weeks), initial duration (half a year), and payment to keep it strictly professional. At this point, it was also clear to me that this was an important investment in my career and personal development.
Seeing change happening
After a few sessions, I started to recognize a change of mindset in myself and a better approach to the tricky topics at work. After a few months, people at work noticed the changes as well. I found my focus again and I received new opportunities. I have a clear idea of where I want to go now and how to get there. And I have learned strategies that will help me get unstuck.
I also feel incredibly supported by our mentoring relationship. Whenever something goes well at work, Valentina’s the first one I inform. The mentorship has also strengthened our friendship — contrary to my doubts at the beginning. I am beyond grateful to have Valentina as a mentor.
Mentorships are relationships, too
Here are a few things that I learned since I started my mentorship adventure:
- You can find your mentor online through dedicated programs and matching processes, or randomly bump into them at work or in your free time. If it feels right, give it a chance!
- The quality of a mentoring relationship will drastically increase with commitment, including setting up regular sessions, defining clear goals and expectations, and agreeing on a time frame.
- More often than not, a mentor is someone you already know, but maybe you never thought of as a mentor.
- Not every mentor will be the right mentor for you — and that’s okay! Good mentoring relationships cannot be forced. If it doesn’t work out with a mentor, stop wasting both of your time and break it off.
- Not all mentorships are forever. Some mentors will be there for a longer period of time, others will mentor you only once.
- Having multiple mentors at the same time might work for some, but can also be quite time-consuming and a source of confusion.
- It might require some patience and a few trials to find the right mentor.
- Waiting for the right mentor is worth it!
The right mentor changes everything
I feel incredibly lucky that I found Valentina as my mentor at this defining point in my career, as I was struggling with important topics. Since we have started the mentoring sessions, I feel much more at ease regarding my career. I have regained my confidence due to the work we do together & the exercises she suggests I do by myself.
I was also able to free my mind. Now that we have these regular sessions, I can focus on talking about these issues in a structured, efficient, and goal-oriented way with my mentor. Looking back, I am so glad I took this chance and gave it a try. Thank you, Valentina, for showing me the incredible value of a mentoring relationship.
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If you want to find out if Valentina is the right mentor for you too, reach out to her! I can highly recommend it ❤
